1251 News Channel has conducted an exclusive interview with the German Drunk Bisping. Due to language problems, we have had to interpret much of the content Bisping stated in both German and Swedish, but all the content has been reproduced correctly.

Text written in italics are questions we have asked, while text in bold contains the German’s answer.

Who is this Drunk Bisping?

I am a German, who emigrated to Sweden as an adult, when I didn’t want to be German anymore, because Germans mainly consist of fake kings like this Fake CurryKing.

Out of over 180 countries in the world, why did you choose Sweden?

I chose Sweden because I heard that it was a rich country with a lot of oil money, but it has turned out afterwards that you can’t trust German intelligence, because the only thing the Swedes can point to is IKEA and Volvo, while it is, after all, the neighboring country Norway, which has all the money.

What would you say is your strongest side?

My strongest side is that I am always drunk, that I can drink and drink, and not die from all the drinking. It’s actually an important quality to have, because then, while I’m drunk, I forget that it was Sweden I moved to. That’s why I’m drunk all the time, so that I never remember which country I actually live in.

Once I actually went out on the balcony and greeted people in Danish. It wasn’t the smartest thing to say the least, as it was the middle of the night in Malmö, and a guy who I’m sure was Zlatan Ibrahimovic, turned up and slapped me hard.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

What the hell? Is this a fucking job interview? How can you expect me to be able to think five years ahead in time, when I’m drunk all the time? Anyway, I can imagine living in Norway, because it’s better than living in Sweden.

How would you describe your racing skills?

I would say they are the best. No one can beat me, at all. And if someone tries to beat me, I’ll run them off the track.

Have you ever won any races of significance?

I do not wish to answer any more questions. It’s inappropriate to bring up such things.